Be My Heroin, Be My Drug
by hizeme-neko
Summary: roxas is in a deep hole.. hooked on heroin and living on the streets can anyone save him? axel/roxas suicidle thoughts, drug use, gangs and other illegal stuff that u find in a big city.... ummm rape drinking, murder, and some colorful language
1. Ashamed but Desperate

Ok I usually don't like writing things that don't go along with the story line but well I just really wanted to write it

This chapter is really serious but the next chapters will be better that much but its still good!

_DISCLAIMER-_ nothing belongs to me sept the plot so go fuck ursleves..

**BE MY HEROIN, BE MY DRUG**

CHAPTER 1

Even though the sun was shining, and the birds singing, Roxas couldn't help but look through his clouded eyes into a dark abyss. People stared at him as he walked absentmindedly down the street. The dirt caked onto the boy and the tattered and grimy clothes gave away a lot. The sidewalks were always packed but Roxas never had a problem getting through because the crowd would move out of their way to get as far as they could away from him. The people looked down on him in either disgust or pity and Roxas just learned to ignore them eventually. It was afternoon and Roxas was dreading the night to come.

Sometimes Roxas hated living in traverse town. It had grown so much like a big city full of bad or busy or even stupid people. The city had grown four times the size since Sora and Riku saved the worlds the second time. Sometimes Roxas wished he could go back to destiny islands with the rest of his friends, but he knew he couldn't, not after what he did. He was doomed the rest of his life here in traverse town. Heck he couldn't even depend on his parents. He was only sixteen and yet he was kicked out and thrown in the streets by his own parents. But he deserved it didn't he? After what he did, didn't he deserve neglect and abandonment?

Roxas scanned the curb of the sidewalk and then he spotted it. A trashcan, green and rusted, with a blue newspaper stand next to it, stood there calling to the hunger in Roxas. He walked up to the nasty garbage disposal and looked inside. The rim was covered in ashes from cigarettes spilled drinks and mustard offs someone's "Famous Joe's" hot dog. The inside was worse then the rim, with a collection of different foods and drinks. Cigarettes, coffee cups, newspapers, ice cream and things of the sort all scattered and bunched together.

Roxas hated to do it but not having eaten in three days he was desperate and starving. Roxas looked around frantically and then slowly he closed his eyes and put his hand inside the can. In an attempt to cover his face, he leaned onto the edge and peered inside.

He moved the empty cups and newspapers. After a quick search through the trash, Roxas almost gave up but then he saw it. A half-eaten cheeseburger and some fries inside a McDonald's food bag. Roxas grabbed the bag and then lifted out of the wastebasket. Ashamed and disgusted by his own actions he slipped through the crowd and stepped into a back alley.

The alley was strangely bright for its tight narrow passage, and Roxas didn't even scan the area before he sat down on the cigarette-butt infested ground, pulled out his newly acquired food, and began eating.

Roxas ate slowly despite his starvation, knowing that if he ate fast he would throw up. The food was old and dry but it was at least something to satisfy him for now. He finished the food and then tossed the bag onto the ground and slipped back into the crowded sidewalk again.

Roxas was feeling a bit sick as he felt goose bumps on his arms and his eyes begin to water. He had been through this before, multiple times actually. It would start with goose bumps and watery eyes but then it would get worse, far worse. He would get jittery and begin to shake. Cramps, unbearable cramps and loss of sleep would come and then vomiting and sweating. He hated it. Roxas felt so awful but the only way to get back to normal would be to shoot up.

Roxas quickened his pace and pulled his trench coat sleeves over his hands. He scanned the large mass and quickly spotted a round woman about 5'3. She was putting her large blue wallet in her purse and holding a bag of groceries not paying attention to where she was going and Roxas, walking full speed slammed straight into her. Her purse and provisions scattered around the two as the people moved their way around them and some of them stopped to gasp at the collision. Roxas, muttering small apologies began picking up the woman's things and handing them back to her as they both got up.

The woman brushed herself off and scowled at him as she smugly stated that Roxas should watch where he was going. The woman snatched the purse Roxas was handing her and stalked off down the walkway. Roxas smiled to himself as he thought about how stupid people could be, and then pulled out a large blue wallet and opened it up.

The wallet had about one hundred dollars and three credit cards. A driver's license and social security card filled the pockets along with a few gift cards and family pictures. Roxas pulled the cash out and then dropped the wallet into a postal box. Roxas was beginning to shake now and was beginning to feel uneasy.

Roxas knew exactly where to go and he made haste down the sidewalk and into a dark passage. It was beginning to get dark now, and the trashcan fires had been lit. The path lead to an abandoned warehouse where underground dogfights were frequently held. Screaming and hollering were coming from the direction that Roxas was heading to and as soon as the passageway opened up into a large run down lot. The lot held the entrance to the warehouse and people were fighting there way in. Many smaller alleys that lead to smaller buildings were around the circumference of the huge lot. However, those were usually controlled by the highest of gangs and drug dealers.

Even though the mob was pressing with large angry threats at the entrance there were always people outside just loitering. Some were selling special seats inside the building and many of them were prostitutes. There were drug dealers and many drunk or high individuals. The place reeked of piss and human perspiration. There was trash and broken bottles everywhere. Roxas cautiously walked into the familiar environment and his face-hardened immediately. He passed the begging prostitutes and scalpers, and the angry mob. He walked up to a corner, where a narrow alleyway was and began to walk down it slowly and calmly.

The shakes were worse now and a cold sweat had started in. He started to get chills and knowing all these symptoms, Roxas knew he had to get there quicker. Roxas quickened his pace and finally he was at the end of the lane. He turned to the left and looked at the large man before him.

The man was big. Roxas had only seen him a few times inside the building but he never really paid attention to him. The large male had light brown skin and was wearing a black t-shirt and baggy jeans. There was a chain around his neck that had some symbol on it that represented his gang. There was a red handkerchief hanging from his back pocket and his arms were folded across his chest crossly.

The guard spoke in a deep growl like voice, "what do you want?"

"I need to see Big J." Roxas answered.

"You got an appointment?" the man said.

"No. but I need to see him," Roxas said more aggressively.

"Too bad now scram kid." the man yelled.

"LOOK I NEED TO SEE HIM!" Roxas finally screamed.

The man grabbed Roxas's shirt and slammed him into the wall beside them. About to take a rock hard fist to the face the man stopped when he heard Roxas scream chino.

Chino was a pass that only Big J gave to people to let them pass through without a hassle. The man slowly lowered Roxas to the ground and muttered a small 'excuse me' as he knocked on the door two times. A small section at the top of the door opened and the man mumbled something to the person inside and the door opened. There stood a tall lanky white guy, his hair was messed up and he was leaning on the frame of the door with a crazed look in his eyes. Roxas was forced through the door harshly and the white guy started to walk down the narrow hallway.

The concrete walls were covered in grime and soot. In addition, the cement flooring was cracked and weeds were growing out of them. Roxas shuddered inside as he remembered these hallways. The lanky person began to speak almost like a crazy pedophile on speed. He kept talking as he staggered and stumbled all the way past each door to another door with another guard.

The lanky guy said something in a breathy and creepy voice to the other man.

This guard was about 5'10 and he looked Hispanic. He was skinny but built. He nodded and turned around and knocked an odd beat on the door then opened it.

Roxas was beginning to feel very sick and he began to get muscle cramps as he followed into a large room filled with many men and some women.

The room was large and luxurious. There were TVs and game systems a bar, and small kitchen. The room had couches and tables, and there were drinks and cups everywhere. There were four doors one, which was open Roxas realized was a bathroom.

Another door right next to the kitchen, Roxas recognized as big J's office/bedroom. The others he did not know. Roxas was jittery now and he could feel the cold sweeping across his body.

Roxas ran his eyes over the gang and finally found Big J who had abruptly stopped laughing along with the others when he had come in. Big J stood up with an angry face and moved slowly around the table and couches towards Roxas.

Roxas could feel his heart beating rapidly as fear over took him. He could see the other guys turn in their seat and begin to snicker amongst each other. Roxas held his breath as Big J came close to his face and his eyes bore into Roxas' ocean blue orbs. For about fifteen seconds Big J stayed there. His slightly overweight, but built body was standing in questioning stance, as he glared at Roxas. He had a red handkerchief in his back pocket and had red shoes, hat, and shirt. The gang belt buckle like the one on the chain he wore held up his baggy blue jeans. Roxas could see the gun in the front of his pants and he felt vile start to rise inside of him.

Then all of the sudden Big J laughed aloud and picked Roxas up in a big bear hug. The room erupted in laughter and loud obnoxious noise. Roxas was so surprised by the action that he let his perfected mask fall and he tightened up in the grip.

Big J finally released him and ushered him over to sit with the rest of the guys. He called to one of the girls and made them bring a new round of beers.

"So boy, what ya here for?" Big J said in a relaxed voice.

Roxas pulled out the money he recently stole and held it in his hand as he shook violently, "I need some white girl."

Just then, Roxas felt the vomit rise through his thought and he leaned over the couch and emptied his stomach on the floor. The other men hollered and grunted as Roxas finally stopped and turned back to his dealer. Big J recognized Roxas's symptoms and asked how long he had been off, Roxas answered two days. Big J took the money and took Roxas to a room that had beads in front as a door, and there was a table a dresser and a long couch. The room was tiny and the lights were red. Big J motioned for Roxas to sit and then he went to the dresser pulled out a syringe, filled it with a brown tar-like substance, and handed it to Roxas. Roxas took it and Big J left the room.

Roxas ripped a piece of his sleeve and tied it tight around his upper arm. Roxas took a deep breath and positioned the syringe near the vein in his arm. Two men came into the room and stood at the door. Roxas proceeded with the task, pressed the needle into his skin and squeezed the shot the substance into the vein. Roxas pulled the needle out, lay his head on the back of the couch, and felt the relief. He felt the high, the rush he got every time he shot up. He felt the warmth spread throughout him but this time it was different. It was stronger this time, more fast and harsh.

Roxas closed his eyes and let his mind slip into that euphoria as he felt the men at the door come close and grab him roughly. He felt himself being dragged through doors and hallways. Soon he felt the wetness of something being dropped onto his skin. He opened his eyes. It was raining and he was being dragged toward a car. He fought and struggled against his escorts but their grip only tightened. He was thrown harshly into the back of the car and the car sped off. Roxas tried to get up but fell each time until a man beside him hit him hard and told Roxas to stop moving.

The car skidded off to the side and two men got out dragged Roxas out and threw him at the wall. Roxas felt the pressure but pain, there was none. Roxas slid into a sitting position against the wall as he watched the to men punch and kick and beat into him. He could see the blows he was to receive but he made no sound. There was no pain. Finally bruised, broken, and bleeding the men left in the car and the rain continued to beat on Roxas.

Roxas leaned his head back against the wall and let the tears fall. He screamed aloud in anger and shame.

"Damn it! What did I do to deserve this? I can't take it anymore!" Roxas screamed and finally he closed his eyes and mumbled to himself.

"I just want to go home. I miss you Axel, and Sora, Riku, and Namine, I miss you Kairi and Hayner and Pence and Olette. I miss you guys so much…" he fumbled and slurred his words as we continued. "How did I get myself into this? I don't want it, I tried hard I really did. God this isn't worth it, I don't want it anymore!" Roxas's tear were heavy and they flowed as fluent as the rain.

The quicksilver drops fell against his beaten skin harshly. Roxas cried to himself as the night over took him. It was dark as he felt his mind slip away from him.

'_Maybe I should just not wake up… nobody would miss me' _Roxas thought to himself.

"That's not true! I would," Roxas heard a familiar voice, a familiar line, and he opened his eyes to meet piercing green orbs before he fell back into the dark abyss that was calling him.

Linelinelinelinelinelinelineline

Ok!! So that turned out odder than I expected but w/e! I like it!! Ill have the next chapter up by like upp 2maro??

Idk but I will haha

And itll be yumminess!!!!

Reviews please!!

Ill reply I promise!

Heres a bakie!!

-Hizeme-


	2. A Party, Then A Murder

Right sooo this is chapter twooo

And umm yay!! Cause u get to see more of AXEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay!

Haha

And its really sad but good too!!

Umm I couldn't really categorise this story so umm if u guys think of a better category then tell me cause I really couldn't decide they should have like 8 categories slots.. ahahah

Neways ive been dying to write this so here ya rs..

Ch. 2!!

**Be my Heroin, Be My Drug**

CHAPTER 2

It was raining that night too. The night Roxas would never forget. The night that he would always regret, that he would never overcome. The night his fears and his nightmares truly came alive, would haunt him forever.

It was a normal night down at the shore on destiny islands, well normal for a party that is. Of course, Sora, Riku, Namine, Kairi, and Roxas were the ones who through it, considering it was their home. Everybody was there. A couple times a year the destiny islands crew would throw a beach party but this year however, things went wrong…terribly wrong.

It started out as innocent fun; Seifer's gang was there along with the restoration committee, even some of organization thirteen was there, like Axel, Zexion, Demyx and some others. The parties were always a blast. Music blaring, beach balls flying, torches flaming to light up the night sky. Everything was as it should have been. Everyone was drinking, that was a usual, and some of them smoking, or shooting up. Roxas had smoked before, he always drank and this night they had decided to play keys. Now it was only about seven of them playing, the rest were running around and tackling each other's faces in the sand or they were dancing, alone, together or anything.

Sora sat next to Riku, Riku next to Namine, Namine next to Kairi, Kairi next to Demyx, Demyx next to Zexion, Zexion next to Roxas, Roxas next to axel, and axel next to Sora.

**A/N: **_dude ok if u got confused this is how they sat in a circle Sora, Riku, Namine, Kairi, Demyx, Zexion, Roxas, Axel, and axel was sitting on the opposite side of Sora… so Sora had Riku and axel beside him. Just to let u guys know….now on with the show!!! Hey that rhymed!!_

The game was simple. The cards were dealt and you started the same way in poker. Everyone had a drink, and you played and odd version of poker, kings and truth or dare. Every time you lost, you took a shot and then you would put your cards into the tab on the beer. After each round, who ever folded would get together and decide what to dare the loser. If the loser chickens out, they chug a beer. Now as the game goes on the cards would start to pop the tab up so whoever popped it would have to chug it.

Therefore, the game went on for a while some without clothes others with blushes spread across their faces from old dares they still haven't gotten over but all of them were pretty wasted.

Sora being the lightweight he was was leaning onto Riku's side, falling in and out of sleep, and Riku having a firm grip on his best friend's waist. Namine was already passed out on the sand and Kairi was lying on her stomach propped up on her elbows desperately trying to pay attention. Demyx curled up into Zexion's side, face in the crook of his friend's neck and holding desperately onto Zexion's waist. Zexion sat there annoyed as shit and drinking out of random; he could not even remember how much alcohol he had tonight. Roxas was sitting on his heels staring off into the sand and Axel, lying on his back, feet stretched out in front and propped on his elbows was staring at the flame he created with his thumb. They had stopped the game a while back and a bunch of the other gang came around and was hanging on each other and passing out around the circle. They were all talking, just hanging out. That was what they always did. It started to rain. And people grunted and groaned so finally they decided to take it into the shack.

When Roxas's father came wobbling down to the beach people starting gathering clothes and running off clinging onto one another trying to get away as fast as possible. Roxas's dad was scary when he was drunk. He often hurt people. That is how Roxas's mom died. His dad had raped her and then beaten her to death. Roxas never really accepted his dad or his new wife again. He was always distant from them.

Roxas's father came down hollering and screaming for his son. Curses flying, rage controlling Roxas's father's poisoned mind, Roxas pushed himself weakly to his feet, and helped Axel up. Axel clung tightly to Roxas's upper arm urged him to get moving. Before they could follow the rest of the fleeing individuals, Roxas felt a hard hit to the side/back of his head. He felt his ear sting along with his face and head. Roxas turned around and saw fire in his father's eyes. Roxas felt a cold fear run down his spine, and he was dealt another blow to his jaw.

Axel grabbed Roxas's hand and pulled him back a couple steps but his father came at him again.

"What the hell do think your doin'" Roxas's father screamed the slurred words.

Roxas didn't answer. He couldn't hear the screams of axel trying to get him away. He couldn't hear the screams of his threatening father. All he could hear was the screaming and begging of his tortured mother from the closet where Roxas had his so many years before. Another hit and a blow to his stomach. Roxas fell clutching his stomach with tears in his eyes. When Roxas fell to the ground, Axel went down and wrapped his arms around his hurting friend, begging and screaming for him. Axel pulled Roxas back on his feet, only for Axel to receive a slam across the nose.

Axel turned with anger and furry in his bright green eyes. The redhead threw a monstrous fist at the blond's father and the man fell back a couple of steps only to rebound and slam a knee into Axel's gut. Axel fell. The screaming stopped in Roxas's head only to hear silence. The silence of darkness and pure hatred. Roxas rose. A small wave of the arm and the chosen key appeared in his hand. A few quick swipes and Roxas's father was down. Bleeding and deeply wounded, Roxas screamed in his father's face.

"I'm getting revenge! This for all the times you fucking hurt me!" Roxas screamed and followed by a stab to the broken and bleeding chest.

"This is for my mom!" he yelled again and yet another stab.

"And this is for hurting my friends!" another scream and a final blow. Axel stood to his feet, pulled on the blonde's clothes, and finally just yanked him into a tight hug. Roxas, bewildered by his actions, pushed his way out of the tight grip and ran.

Roxas ran for quite sometime falling and stumbling in his drunkenness. He ran past trees and houses, the rain pounding on his shoulders. The weight of the world falling on him. He found his way to the gummi ship, got in and flew to traverse town, where he had ran straight into a gang territory and crashed in the abandoned alleyway, only to wake up with a splitting headache and no sense of where he was.

That was when he was introduced to the ultimate painkiller and the man who was willing to give it, for a price. The price no boy would ever forget. The price of a stolen innocence. That was when he met Big J, which was when he tried his First shot of heroin, only to ever change his life.

…………………………………………………………………………..

So right this was so hard to do!! I couldn't figure out how to do it cause I didn't know what Roxas had done.. oh and by the way in the first chapter when it says his parents kicked him out that's and error it should be just his step mom but w/e

Neways..

How was it? Oh yea and I def. made the game keys up so umm yea that took some time and I was trying so hard to fix the axel part but yea eh its ok.. I guess

Neways reviews please!!

-Hizeme-


	3. That Fire

Hey there!!!

Ok sooo I love everyone who reviewed even tho it wasn't that many… 

But eh w/e

So this is chapter three….

In this chapter its present day.. oh yea if you guys couldn't guess ch. 2 was a memory

But this one is gonna be so cute!!!!

Yay!!

Oh yea by the way… big j didn't rape Roxas I was still deciding on that but he didn't.. that would just be odd…

So yea just to clear that up

Kk disclaimer shit blah blah!!

**Be My Heroin, Be My Drug**

Chapter 3

_Cold as ice to the touch_

_The moonlight reflecting off his luminous face_

_The roses had left his cheeks_

_Leaving all color erased_

_The tears had stained his satin skin_

_And his faint breath was lost in the stinging wind_

_His countenance show no fail of brokenness_

_While the rain beats down hard_

_He cant escapes this loneliness_

_Darkness all around_

_No heat or warmth_

_No love or freedom_

_A cage in his own heart_

_Suffocating, struggling, crying_

_He reaches for something_

_Anything, everything_

_All is gone _

_All is dead_

_His heart stopping _

_His breathing slowed_

_New life awaiting him in the distance_

_New life…_

_Eternal life…_

"Roxas! Please Roxas! Don't leave me!" axel was crying and beating on the window of the emergency room window. Pleading, he was pleading. Kairi crying into Namine's arms as Namine stared in disbelief through the window. Riku had his arm around Sora as the younger one weeped into Riku's chest.

Everyone was together everyone has someone, but axel was nothing he was the odd one out without Roxas. Axel needed Roxas. Roxas was Axel's best friend. Roxas was practically his brother. Axel loved Roxas with every part of his mind, heart and soul. Axel could not imagine a life with out Roxas. A life with out Roxas would be no life at all.

A doctor came out pulling the bloody gloves off his hands. The man was tall and had curly sand colored hair. As soon as he came out of the emergency room, axel and the rest came rushing up to him hammering him with questions like, 'is he alright?', 'what's the matter with him?', 'is he gonna live?', and things of the sorts.

The doctor threw up his hands and the crew silenced. He turned to axel, and began to speak, "there was a strange poison in the heroin he had taken, he is stable now, but…" the doctor hesitated and with deep remorse in his face he spoke again, "he might not make it through the night."

At that, axel felt his face heat up, and soon his weapons were flaming hot by his side. Riku immediately laced his arms with Axel's, and axel began to scream.

"Well why can't you fix him! You people are not worth anything! You are fucking liars! I'm gonna fucking kill you! You call yourself a fucking doctor and you can't even cure fucking poison!? I fucking hate you and I'm gonna rip your fucking skull out and feed it to your family!" axel was infuriated and Riku had a strong grip on him. The doctor simply said he was sorry and went back into Roxas's room. Axel was still screaming but he was soon losing breath and he was getting weak. He turned his head in fury and looked at Sora. Sora was crying. The brown-haired person was holding one arm and he looked into the dying down of Axel's green eyes. The green orbs were watering now as axel fell to his knees and Sora rushed over to comfort him.

Sora's' shirt was wet when axel finally stopped wailing and coughing through crying. Axel wiped his eyes, took the tissue from Kairi and wiped his face and nose, then stood up and went over to the window. Axel looked over to the boy he loved and sniffled a little. The boy looked peaceful and serene, despite his colorless body. The doctor was still in there doing what looked like test and Axel knocked on the window. The doctor looked up surprised and then walked over to the door and walked through.

"Do you think, I c-could just sit with him a while?" axel asked pathetically.

The doctor looked unwilling but Axel added a please and so the doctor finally answered," well I guess since nothing in the air or contact would hurt him, it might even do him well, but only one person. If he wakes from consciousness, press the emergency nurse button on the bed. It is red and blue. Please be careful."

Axel looked around at his friends and they all nodded and said that it was okay for him to go in.

Axel almost ran into the room, and quickly he was beside the bed and looking down at the fragile boy. Axel pulled up a chair to the edge of the bed, and took Roxas's small, cold hand into his larger hot hand. "Hey Roxas," axel said.

He continued," yea so what's up? Wow that was stupid, god I'm so stupid sometimes. Jees Roxas you should have came down and saw us sometime you know. We all missed you. But man you look so fucked up," axel chuckled.

It was a long time passed and Sora, Kairi, Riku, and Namine, were all sleeping in the chairs or in the other's lap. Axel had his head down on the bed, still holding Roxas's hand as he drifted off into sleep.

He had dreams, horrible nightmares. Nightmares of a life with out Roxas and ways that Roxas died. Ways that would never be possible, but they were there nonetheless. Axel screamed as he woke again with a start. He searched Roxas's face, and everything was the same. No sign of movement or life. The monitors seemed to be decreasing and Axel was getting discouraged when he saw that they were low, lower than he had ever seen on E.R. or House.

"Please Roxas…please Roxas don't leave me," axel pleaded as the tears began to fall down his cheeks.

He let his head down and began to kiss Roxas's little hand and plead for his life. It seemed like hours had gone by but it had only been a few minutes, and axle felt a small tug on his hand. Axel's head shot up and he looked at Roxas. Axel brought Roxas's hand to his mouth and kissed it as he asked Roxas to wake up.

A small wrinkle on his forehead, and a flutter of his eyelids, answered Axel's cries. Axel sat straight up and encouraged his friend more. Another flicker and more wrinkles and soon bright green orbs met clouded blue orbs. "axel?" Roxas said weakly and dryly.

Axel was ecstatic, he flung his arms around Roxas and cried and mumbled small words of 'thank god' and 'I love you'. Roxas lay still and spoke softly, "axel you're hurting me."

Axel froze and sheepishly he pulled back. Then he remembered the button.

"God Roxas I'm so happy you're alive," axel said as he pressed the red and blue button and saw the doctor and some other medical personels come in.

Axel was ushered quickly out of the room and was seated with his other four friends. The rest of the four woke instantly and began asking questions; axel was overloaded with questions as he answered them.

"_Roxas please...please don't leave me,"_

_A familiar voice_

_He recognized that voice_

_He loved that voice_

_He adored that voice_

_He needed that voice, that being_

_His darkness was engulfed in flames_

_The flames burned long, hot and hard_

_Eternal life?_

_No, not yet_

_The fire burned it away_

_Darkness replaced with light_

_Pure light_

_Warm light_

_Keys to a closed cage_

_Freed from torture_

_Warmth spread through his body_

_The roses filling his cheeks_

_The tears of joy clean up the stain under his blue orbs_

_The rain now light and loving_

_It caresses his bright glowing face_

_His skin silky and smooth as satin once again_

_The fire inside him ignited once again_

_His joy and love being filled by the only being that could fill it_

_Eternal life?_

_Not without that voice_

_He loved that voice_

_He adored that voice_

_He needed that being_

_He loved that being_

_That fire…_


	4. Home Sweet Home

Hey!!

Sorry I haven't written in a long time!!... ive been dying too!!

But I got grounded and they took my comp. away… ugh!! It sucked ass!!!! Hahahahah

But I am going to start updateing again

Oh and if you guys have something you want in the story tell me an ill try to fit it in…

Kk heres ch. 4

**BE MY HEROIN, BE MY DRUG**

CHAPTER 4

"Here is some brochure's of some rehab centers. In addition, he is going to need someone there to help him through the withdrawals, lots of water and support." The doctor looked down once more at Roxas who was sitting in a wheelchair then back at axel who was gripping tightly on the handles.

The doctor smiled sympathetically and then nodded before he turned to leave. Axel pushed Roxas down the white hallway followed by Sora, and Riku. Riku was walking calmly with a few gifts gently resting in his arms, and Sora tagged along with difficulty as he was carrying gifts that were just too much for him to carry. They were silent as they walked down the long hallways. Making turns here and turns there. Axel sighed as he let his mind wander through the memories of the past few weeks.

_Nurses were struggling to get the straps his legs and arms, they were yelling at a me. I could not do anything. They were yelling but I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I was useless. Roxas was twisting and turning, his forehead was covered in sweat, and his face was contorted in pain and torture. Suddenly I rushed forward and grabbed a hold of his hand. They were small, but they had a strong grip. He was trembling and crying. I whispered to him that it would be all right, telling my self that more than him. I just wanted him to calm down… more than anything I wanted to make the pain to stop. It hurt bad to see my best friend in such bad shape. Why couldn't I do anything! His arms and legs were strapped down, and only one nurse stayed in the room with us. Roxas was pleading to me, moaning in pain. It was only a second, he leaned his head to one side, and then he vomited. He vomited on the bed and on the floor. He coughed violently and then more bile rose from his throat. The nurse had already grabbed a bucket and was cleaning the bed and floor. Soon the attack had stopped and Roxas fell into a restless sleep. Another nurse came in with new sheets and began to release my friend. The two nurses picked him up and lay him on the couch while they changed the sheets. They flattened the bed and then lay Roxas back on it on his side. They nodded to me before they left and I sat next to my friend on the bed. He was trembling still, and his breathing was staggered. God I wanted so bad to help him! Why couldn't I be there for him?! I stroked his hand as I watched him sleep. There were so many of these attacks, I wish they would just stop. _

"Hey Roxas!" Namine's voice cut through Axel's thoughts.

"Hey, what's up?" Roxas's gentle voice made axel smile.

"Alright you're not dying, get out of that wheel chair and get in the car dummy!" Sora said as Kairi opened the back of her SUV. Roxas laughed as Riku, Sora loaded the gifts in the trunk, and Namine climbed in the front passenger seat. Axel helped Roxas out of the wheelchair but when axel tried to help him, further Roxas just put a hand up and said that he could do it. Roxas was full of energy and he didn't really need Axel to help him up but he wanted that small gesture, that simple touch from his best friend. Roxas climbed into a seat followed by axel and as soon as they were buckled, they were on the way home.

The car ride was full of excitement. Lots of laughs, smiles, and jokes. There was lots of catching up to do! They soon came back to their hometown. They all went to Axel's dorm to make sure that Roxas was settled in okay. Axel's dorm was small, like any other college dorm. There were three rooms, a bathroom, a bedroom and a kitchen/living room. The place had clothes everywhere and dishes piled to the ceiling. There were flies zooming around the trash, and in the bathroom. The TV was on but muted. Books and papers lay carelessly about. Games and movies had been messed up and towels had been lying uselessly over a torn couch.

Everyone gaped when they stepped inside the small home, even Axel. "Axel! How disgusting! This is absolutely gross!" Kairi exclaimed and the others agreed. Axel rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he opened a window and grinned ashamedly at his friends.

"Roxas cannot stay in living conditions such as this," Namine said in a calm but firm voice. The others began scolding and offering that Roxas could stay with them and other things of the sort. Axel put his hand on his hip and sighed. _How annoying,_ he thought.

"Dude guys look I'm gonna clean it up! If you really want to make sure its safe, you can help me," Axel said with a smirk on his face.

Kairi and Namine looked at each other as if he just spoke another language, and Sora of course being the good boy he was, just simply agreed and walked over to begin with the dishes.

Finally, Axel, Kairi, and Namine joined in and helped cleaning around the house. Riku simply stated firmly," I am NOT cleaning," and sat on the couch.

Roxas knelt down and began reorganizing the movies and games and such before, Axel yelled," Roxas, get up and sit your ass on the couch, you are not cleaning."

Before Roxas could argue Riku got up and pulled Roxas's arm to make him sit on the couch next to him.

A few hours went by, they half cleaned and half threw stuff around at each other, before the house was actually clean. Axel and Roxas said goodbye to everyone and when the door closed there was finally peace. Axel sighed and then gave Roxas a weary smile. Roxas smiled back unsurely, before looking around at the newly cleaned apartment.

"It looks really clean, compared to what it did look like," Roxas said.

"Damn it really was a mess wasn't it?" Axel agreed.

Roxas raised an eyebrow as he put his hands on his hips," a mess? Well that's definitely an understatement."

"Shut up!" Axle laughed half heartedly as he punched Roxas's arm.

Roxas punched him back lightly as he massaged his shoulder. Damn Axel hit hard!

"Shit! It's already seven!" Axel exclaimed after looking at his watch.

Roxas stared at the tall red head as he Axel moved around a half wall into the kitchen. The form fitting black shirt that clung to his torso, and the slightly baggy blue jeans that hugged his hips, were flattering on Axel's figure. Roxas looked down at the grungy t-shirt and ripped blue jeans suddenly feeling very insecure about his appearance.

Axel turned around with a pizza box and two beers. Axel pulled a plate out, put the pizza on it and put it in the microwave, then headed for the couch.

"Dude come on sit down," the redhead commanded as his green eyes met ice blue, and silently Roxas sat down next to his best friend.

"Here," axel handed a miller lite bottle to his blond friend as he turned on the TV.

"Dude, I can't drink," Roxas stated.

Axel turned to his friend in surprise and confusion, and then it dawned on him. "Oh shit sorry man!" Axel smacked his forehead," damn I'm already fuckin' up!"

Roxas lay a gentle hand on Axel's back in a gesture of comfort, only to be interrupted by the microwave beeping. Reluctantly Axel got up slowly and walked toward the microwave. He grabbed the steaming plate and walked back over to the couch. He sat down and set the plate between the two of them on the coffee table before them. axel stared at the pizza blankly before turning to his younger friend. "Well it ain't a feast but it'll have to do its all I got."

Before axel could grab a slice, Roxas had wolfed down half of a piece. Axel stared in astonishment as Roxas shoveled down slice after slice. Before Roxas could grab another slice axel grabbed the small tan wrist. Roxas turned to him as if he had just been smacked.

"Slow down man! That is your fourth piece! Leftover pizza isn't that good!" Axel exclaimed as he released his firm grip on the smaller boy's arm.

Roxas giggled,"sorry I just really hated hospital food and I guess I was kind of hungry."

"Yea I can tell," Axel mumbled under his breath.

They sat together for a while watching movies; laughing at the funny things, laughing at the sad things, gasping and then laughing at the disturbing things.

It was near eleven when the last movie finished. Roxas had been yawning for quite sometime now and Axel decided it was time for bed.

"Come on your exhausted let's go to bed." axel said.

Axel stood, grabbed an extra pillow and blanket, and then laid them on the couch. Roxas was standing unsurely, and axel noticed this. "Oh right, you need pajamas."

Axel grabbed some of his pajamas bottoms and a t-shirt out of his drawer and handed them to Roxas. Roxas gave small thanks then followed axle into the bathroom where he explained the shower and showed Roxas where everything was. Roxas was quiet through the little tour and when he closed the door, he finally gave a sigh of relief, and then turned on the shower to the right temperature. Roxas looked into the mirror and then around the small bathroom. He pulled the roughed up shirt over his spiky honey colored hair and then stepped out of his bottoms.

The hot water felt good on his stressed body. He reached up to wet his hair and ran his fingers over his scalp. He sighed again as he relaxed then reached for the washcloth and cleaned himself up. He washed his hair and then just let the water run over his body a little bit after before turning the water off. Roxas pushed the curtain back and a rush of cold air hit his lithe frame. He grabbed a soft fresh white towel and wrapped himself in it as a small child would. A few minutes passed as he dried off and tied the towel around his waist. He combed his hair and brushed his teeth, and then moved to dress. He put on a pair of clean plaid boxers, and then moved for the shirt. The shirt was big, but he liked it that way, sometimes he liked to feel like a child. A child wanting to be like his father so he sneaks into the parent's room and put on an over sized shirt then snuggling up close to there dad. Roxas always wanted that feeling. Roxas stepped into the pajama bottoms axel gave him. There were a little too big around the hip, which was something that could be fixed if Roxas just pulled the drawstring tight. Axel and Roxas were about the same size at the hips. Axel was bigger but not by much. The legs would have fit if they were not so long. One of the major factors was that Axel was extremely tall. Roxas laughed at himself. He looked like Dopey from Snow White, except in the legs not arms. They were so long that they covered his feet, and still dragged the floor.

Roxas opened the bathroom door and walked out to see axel laying a blanket over a pillow on the couch. Axel smiled when he looked up before he erupted into laughter.

"Man those are so big on you!" Axel laughed more, "dude we're going shopping tomorrow!" axel finished as he doubled over in laughter.

Roxas scowled as he looked for something to throw at the bastard. Axel was already in his PJ's: pajama bottoms. No shirt and his bottoms were lower than his boxers showing off the green silk. Roxas studied the pale skin that covered his tight abs and broad muscles. Axel was built. Roxas turned away as a blush sweeped across his face.

Axel walked passed Roxas into the bathroom. Roxas stood for a second and then moved over to the couch and lay on it. Soon he heard rushing water. Roxas closed his eyes for a brief second, and then he heard axel yell form the bathroom,"Yo! I got class in the morning" there was spitting noise and then axel continued," So well go after lunch, you can just chill here or call someone or something it don't really matter."

More spitting and gurgling sounds and then the water stopped and axel appeared at the couch. "Dude your not sleepin' there, you can have the bed." Axel stated.

"But that's your bed, I'm fine right here."

"No you are not, get up I already changed the sheets you're sleeping in my bed. Go ahead." Roxas tried to object but axel had moved swiftly around the back of the couch to the front and grabbed Roxas by the wrists.

"now lets go you're not sleepin' out here!" axel said with a crooked grin.

"Roxas pulled his wrists back once more and then axel had enough. The redheads swooped down, picked the smaller boy up by the waist, and laid him over his shoulder. Axel gave a laugh, when Roxas squeaked and then walked into his bedroom. Roxas punched and pounded against Axel's back as a child would in a temper tantrum, Roxas screamed, hollered, and demanded to be put down, as laughs came out in the midst.

"You really want to be out down?!" axel yelled, as he stopped abruptly.

"Yes!" Roxas hollered.

Before Roxas could say anything else, he heard Axel yell fine and then felt his body being thrown toward the ground. Roxas grabbed onto Axel's neck as he continued to fall, bringing Axel down with him. Roxas soon fell onto a soft bed. Axel yelled as he lost balanced and ended up onto of Roxas. Both hands on either side of Roxas's ribs, as Roxas's face was lying on his side, scrunched up as he held tight to Axel's neck. Roxas slowly untwisted his face and let his arms down as he turned to see axel laughing above him. Roxas laughed also. This was pretty funny.

The laughter subsided, and soon ice blue eyes were staring into a brilliant green. Axel coughed, as he turned his face away with a blush and stood up. He murmured a goodnight and Roxas returned it as he crawled underneath the warm blankets.

For once in a long time, Roxas slept soundly, no dreams, no nightmares, just sleep.

Axel stayed up a while thinking. _Damn what the hell? Why the fuck was I blushing? He's my best friend! But I'm so happy he's home… I missed him so much. He really shouldn't blame himself for what happened with the party and his father. His dad deserved it. Evil bastard. Man it's almost midnight I have class in the morning… a fucking year! Damn I fucking missed you Roxas! Why did you have to run away! gone a whole fucking year after that damn party… damn drugs Roxas?what were you thinking Roxas?i missed you so much! We all did! Couldn't you just see that… man Roxas I really fucking missed you…_

Linelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline

Sooo how bout it???? Better? I cant wait till they fuck!! Ahahahaha if they do…dun dun dun!!

Hahaha okay read and review and I will love you!!!!! Ahaha that rhymed!! Kk

Bedtime!!!

Peace

-Hizeme-


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